I’ve seen several posts on social media and blogs about farm wives and marriage and the experience of it. First, I am so glad that they are out there and find them to be interesting and thought-provoking myself. I’m a farm wife so I can relate to some of what they say and some not.
I also think being married is challenging enough but when you mix in farm life, the challenges seem to become ones of a daily grind that seem ever continuous year after year.
I suppose one could insert any form of occupation and marriage but unless you have lived the farm life, it really isn’t quite the same, in my own opinion.
My thinking mind has me wondering about the farm wives that don’t necessarily ever get a grasp of the lifestyle that is called farming. The posts I’ve read give advice and share what has helped their farm marriages. I will state right now, after fifteen years as my farmer’s wife, I still struggle quite often.
Today I wanted to specifically reach out to the ones that never speak of their struggles. The farm wives that love their husbands but feel like they are less than important or lost in some way. I hope they find comfort in knowing they are not alone, that there are women that feel the same way. It’s okay to not always be strong and tough and it’s important for you to have a voice.
What can I do to reach those women who are married to farmers but yet never quite “get it” (or even want to “get it” for that matter?) I know many would say, “well they married knowing what they were getting into” or “suck it up and deal with it.” But let’s be honest, that’s not very kind.
Perhaps they looked, all those years ago through rose-colored glasses or felt a partnership was easy to come by or basically just romanticizing the farm life in those early years. Whatever it was, at this point I am not going to make them feel guilty for feeling less important to their spouse than some dirt in the ground or animals that need fed.
I mean, who knows, the love and support they need may not be found while living in wide open beautiful spaces. All while there are two or three littles running under foot or worse, an empty nest leaving only silence during those certain farming seasons.
Whatever the reason is that you are feeling there is a missing part, it’s okay to acknowledge it. It’s okay to talk about it and it’s okay to want to feel worthy and loved. You matter. Your story matters.
I am no expert and I have nothing but what comes form my heart and mind via the keyboard. I will offer this though. I can honestly say I get it. I get that some days really suck as a farmer’s wife. Some days have beautiful sunsets, dinner in the field with the kids clinging to their dad’s dirty jeans, moments of feeling proud and love rolled together and some days end up lonely. The fact of the matter is that you are a person that is of value and you do contribute to the farmer’s life whether they acknowledge it or not.
I know that a stranger on the internet telling you that, isn’t what you want to hear. You want that farmer to tell you, hold you, guide you, share with you, and perhaps make you feel like the woman he did all those years ago. I hope you get glimpses of that even if it isn’t very often.
But start here. Start with sharing how you feel with someone that can relate. I’m not here to judge or give much advice, but I can listen if that’s what you need. Comment below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If we don’t connect, which is totally cool, I know a few other farm wives, I’m sure there is bound to be one that totally gets YOU!
My hope is that this post uplifted you to know you are not alone. That it helped you to know that you can get through the season that is upon us!
May there be more sunsets in your future where your farmer is walking towards you, not the tractor, and may you find peace with the future that each season brings.
I’m a farm wife too,