That Wasn’t So Bad After All

I would presume that cardiologists see a heart cath as just another test, like an xray or drawing of blood is to most of us today.  Unfortunately, to those that have watched their parent’s die from damaged hearts in the past six and eighteen months it’s not so simple.  Especially when a sibling is having the procedure done.

The sibling and parents I write of are mine of course. My sister E. the one that really disliked me being born and taunted me all my childhood, but has come to be one of my best friends.  She’s the one. The one I connect with on a daily basis, whether through text or email or an actual phone call.  The sibling that relates to me and thinks most like me out of all my siblings.  She had a heart cath on Monday and it was an experience for all of us.

Sister and I

You can’t tell it in the photo on the left but E really didn’t like this little sister thing. She had been the baby for five years when I came along. Needless to say, she got over it! 🙂 LOL

Although walking into the same hospital that I had not been in since August 17, 2014 was hard, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  The reasons are evident because I love my sister, and being elsewhere would have been harder on me I think.  I didn’t really feel much anxiety until I walked up to the doors of the lobby where we sat for a long time waiting to hear Dad had arrived on that dreaded day he died.  My father passed away in an ambulance on the way to above mentioned hospital. The anxiety was present in my stomach, although perhaps not showing from my words or face. I was there for my sister and her husband, they needed support.

As we got off the elevator on the 4th floor, my mind recalled the many days I spent in CICU with Dad. The good talks, horrific cough, sadness, and fear in his eyes, and the last hugs. Tears did not come and that is good. Just a memory making it’s way to the forefront of my mind.

baby and grandpa

I chose this photo because I know how happy my Dad was in 2008 at this very moment. He was meeting his newest grandaughter. He had just looked death in the face and this little girl was the best medicine. His little angel as he used to say. He lived from 6 years. 🙂 I’m so very glad.

My sister knows I love her and I know she loves me.  I would do anything for her. With much gladness I’m happy to share that the heart is fine and it’s apparently that of a 30 year old. It must be all that love she gives out that keeps it young, she’ll be 50 this year! 🙂

E & me

The test in all reality was a good thing. Since our parents both had major heart issues that eventually they died from, our chances are higher of having heart disease. It’s on our radar,  it is present in our minds and our daily lives.

e and I at funeral

I, myself haven’t pulled the plug to start a healthier lifestyle just yet but I will. Right now my focus is on my mental health. Baby steps on this journey, baby steps.

So, to all of you out there, love honestly, hold them close but let them go when it’s time, and keep trying even if it’s hard. Going back to those hard places is ok, let’s just not stay in them.

God bless you all!

Grace is a gift,

Julie

Posted from WordPress for Android

2 responses

  1. Julie, it sounds as if you are having a struggle keeping your spirits up. I feel for you as I have experienced similar struggles… For many years. There is no quick fix, it seems. But, please know that I do so appreciate your words & I’ll keep you in my prayers. Keep looking for those moments of grace. They appear – even in the midst of the darkness. Hugs, Julie (from Minnesota)

    Liked by 1 person

Connect with me! Comment below!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s